Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Katatrophe: 0 Tylenol PM: 1

So yesterday, I walked home from the CVS with 228 pills in my bag. This was weird, purely because a) HELLO, that's a lot of pills and b) I felt like I needed a backpack and a good swagger and to play some house music, walking around looking a little dazed offering the goods to skinny girls with PLUR bracelets and pacifiers.

Well, maybe not. All I did was fill a prescription and buy Advil (necessary, long shift at the 2nd job catering on Sunday) and Tyenol PM, which was on sale for 8 bucks. EIGHT BUCKS! As I've written about before, I am not a great sleeper. It always takes me forever to fall asleep, a la when I get in bed it's at first with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte on the WB and when I fall asleep my bedfellows have changed to Conan and Max Weinberg. When it's Wednesday night and I am up late worrying in bed, and those damned Ambien and Lunesta commercials come on, they ARE TALKING TO ME. I AM THEIR AUDIENCE. They tease. They taunt, "oh katastrophe, if only you weren't overly anxious, than you too would be dreaming of butterflies and puppies that we put in our commercials to soothe you."

So, EFF YOU BRAIN, I bought Tylenol PM. Baby step towards being soothed. I took some last night to ward off the monstrosity of a headache that I was dealing with and hopped into bed early, thinking I had tricked the system.

Ohhhhhh but on the contrary, Tylenol PM reigned supreme over both me, AND my brain.

Last night I had a dream that I was canoeing on a very flat river. Then, I saw a VERY large face that looked just like the dude on MAD magazine with a VERY large mouth gaping open and dove into it, with a backpack on my back and a snorkel. When I surfaced, I looked up and realized I was in a strange land. Middle-Earth-ish. Then I met up with a group of backpackers (who may or may not have been Australian) and they were like "WE ARE SWIMMING TO NORWAY!" and I was like "saaahh-weeeeet! I'm in" and so we put on flippers and swam in very shallow water UP STAIRS, AROUND TREES, and then on a very flat indoor studio that didn't look unlike the TLC's "Waterfalls" video set.

So after swimming, we surfaced at the beach. In Norway. Which was hot, by the way. Flat, flat, flat and then huge mountains in the background. Lots of people walking in crisp white bathing suits. You could see people skiing in the mountains in crisp white snow-bunny outfits. It was like Capri had thrown up on Norway and Michael Kors was their god. Then we hear shouts of "oh no, THE TIDAL WAVE IS COMING" and apparently, the tidal wave was ONLY for the non-Norwegian. Norwegians weren't susceptible to such conditions, so all us lowly backpackers had to go back down into the sand and swim back (yes, swim through the sand), this time UPSTAIRS.

One of the backpacker friends said that we could hide out at his mom's place, because the tidal wave wouldn't find us there, but we had to keep up. So I swam my little heart out and when we came up for air near his mom's house, they were all trolls living in gummed up pink and purple tee-pees, but for his mom, who was a woman I saw on TLC's What Not to Wear and somehow got mixed into the dream. I was the only one that could keep up so I went into his mom's house, which was a trailer. It was snowing in this troll heaven, and his mom gave me a flannel jacket and let me sleep on the pull-out-couch. I could see the teeth of the large mouth I had swam into high in the distance and I fell asleep on the couch looking at fish in a fishbowl thinking "if only I had gills". And then I realized that I was in fact, UNDER WATER. And all I could think was NOT "gasp! How can I breathe" but "gasp, my hair looks like THIS?"

What I don't get is the TLC waterfalls set conjoined with TLC's What Not To Wear. Too much TLC.

So thank you, Tylenol PM for such an engaging evening. Shall I meet you tomorrow, same time-- same place?

1 comment:

Runjit Chandra said...

Great Googaly Moogaly. That was the most eventful dream I have ever heard of. And yes, I agree...that is a bit much on the TLC. Either you watch too much What Not To Wear, or you are sad to see the full TLC fade into relative obscurity. Either way, I think that we have to agree that Tylenol PM creates the best dreams. That may be a science experiment to conduct. But when i have A LOT more free time and able to sleep more.