I've been "on" for almost 2 week and I am exhausted.
I've been on 4 job interviews since not this past Friday, but the Friday before.
I also spent some time with the DK's lovely family, and even though they are lovely, it's still time to be ON! SHINY! NEW! PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE, THOUGH LACKING JEWISHNESS. PRETTY?
I've had to sell myself left and right.
You want creative problem solving? it's called TAKING AMTRAK, not GREYHOUND ever AGAIN!
Communications skills? I have carried on conversations with children onto grandmothers, and written about 45 thank you notes.
Experience? I'll give YOU experience!
Dry cleaning? Check.
Emergency pedicure at the dirtiest salon EVER (bebe nails on Penn ave, SE. NEVER Go. Let's just say "dirty, used toe dividers" and "wet, used flip flops". Oh and the lady killed a bug by smacking it on my friend's leg, but I digress.)
I haven't sworn, eaten something garlicky, not sat straight up with my legs crossed or smiled encouragingly in ages. I am out of nice clothes to wear, inoffensive stories that would make anyone giggle, and looking around the room for conversation starters. Like you in a frame with Bill Clinton. I am perpetually ready to impress someone. Anyone.
You there, with the umbrella on the street, I HAVE PLANNED SOME SPECIAL EVENTS.
Madam who kindly took my Chinese take-out order, may I go on and on at length about my killer communications skills? You know, by ordering the amount and THEN the type of fried rice?
Oh sir who held the door for me, I could creative problem solve your life, if you'd just let me.
Kindly CVS check-out person, I know that you are a non-Catholic, and I am a lapsed Catholic, but let me prove to you how awesome I am so that you don't worry about that so much. Extra Care!
Please like me, anyone out there. I am a laid-off, lapsed Catholic desperately seeking a job I can wear jeans to, have funny co-workers, occasionally read the internets, and get paid better. Skills include: gets along well with grandmas of all faiths, ability to eat large amounts of ethnic delights, ably timing my arrival with public transportation. Basset hounds a plus.