Selected Haikus on the Oscars

Jennifer Hudson
the new "it" girl for the year,
minus that jacket.

Oh Jessica Biel,
Wearing a belt, but no bra--
I know of your kind.

So, Pan's Labyrinth
You were so brilliant, yet I
still sleep with lights on.

Nicole and Gwenyth,
Have you heard of "Locks for Love?"
Ample for ten kids.

You, Ryan Seacrest--
I'll double what they pay you,
If you just shut up.

Penelope Cruz,
Wrongfully a Mexican
For five full minutes.

Abigail Breslin
Secretly, I wish you won.
Over-achiever.

Ms. DeGeneres,
Infinitely better than,
Yup-- Billy Crystal.

Beyonce, diva--
you want to cut Jennifer,
Shameless fake smile.

Oh my dear Leo,
From under what rock do you
Crawl looking so fine.

Al Gore wins cool points.
You don't see Dan Quayle here,
That couch potato(e).

Staff Meeting Haikus

these were all taken from what people said or looked like during a staff meeting:

a death stare he gives
daggers shooting from the eyes
eyebrow arch. contempt?

No news is good news
have you heard any mention
of the millions due?

this is my blank check
if i seem extra bitchy
waa- my deadlines

slowly passing time
a bit of a problem here
come out of the shoot

the puppet master
the camera just loves you
smile pretty for me

bullishly stubborn
disbelief takes form of fist
beating on forehead.

it's lonely here, at
parents without state partners
pony up, casserole.