Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The first words spoken to me today by a living, breathing person were:

"Thank you, ladies back there for waiting patiently for the light to change, unlike THIS young lady who seems to be in a hurry!"

Gee, thanks crotchety capitol police officer, for pointing that out. You are TOTALLY right.

I was impatient.

I was in a hurry.

Haven't you ever, dear capitol police officer, ever woken up late?

I woke up at 7. I hit snooze many times. I woke up at 8:05 in a blind panic, because I had 25 minutes to be on time. Ok, not like I am EVER on time, but it's a jolt into your day.

So I hustled. I chugged my coffee. I skipped eyeliner (short hair = I've taken to wearing actual make-up, instead of just my standard blush/chapstick/one swipe of cream eyeshadow former technique).

I ran out the door, at 8:27, resigned to being late, but doing my best to be as LEAST late as possible.

I show up at your fine intersection of 1st and C, SE on my way to the subway. It's a very nice intersection. Sometimes there are cars. Sometimes, like this morning, there are not.
I hustled along, minding my own business, until you pointed out my haste.

I contined on, rolling my eyes into my sunglasses right past you.

This made me huffy, because:

1.) I am not very good at being "in trouble". I obey rules (minus WRONG rules, like say, not being allowed to wear white after Labor day and no jaywalking when NO TRAFFIC IS PRESENT). I have never gotten a ticket, and I buckle my safety belt. I send thank you cards, and pay bills on time. Don't go against my grain here and point out how I am DISOBEYING. Because the light turned green JUST as I had taken my third step, and also you are a capitol police officer. You got right in my face and wiggled around like a good, topical political joke (ps isn't it like, DC martial law to make Mark Foley jokes? The ones I loved, which are hilarious, can be found here).

2.) I am an aggressive pedestrian.

I have no patience for people who have a comfortable, cushy drive from their mansion in McLean. I haul ASS to work and sweat on the subway and freeze while I wait for the bus. I am an urban scurrying machine. I don't appreciate being called out on being a good urban citizen. Guess what? I don't pollute as I stroll. Lay off.

I bet as your precious and rightful cars roll by you don't yell, "Thank you, kind pedestrians, this big ass-hat over here in the VE-HIC-LE had to just push on through because SOMEONE needs to get onto 66 while the HOV lanes are still open".


I hear you yell at everyone in this fashion, congress-people and tourists alike. I suppose this is a good "welcome to the neighborhood" moment, because I will continue to cross against that red light to Capitol South if I am in a hurry and no cars are coming. And if you continue, I'll start yelling back.

But only in my head, because I am a giant wussy rule-follower.


mrunsforfun said...

You taught me how to be an aggressive pedestrian!


Anonymous said...

I am in total agreement. I have devised ways of getting even with cars that make illegal turns even while the Walk light is on (I've thought of leaving my keys in my hands when a car races around the corner inches from me, and giving the car a big dig). There we are, soldering on in the rain, and some idiot in their dry car has to run the light? Give me a break.


Anonymous said...

WooHoo!!! You tell it like it is, Katastrophe!!

Ar-Jew-Tino said...

So how late WERE you?

katastrophe said...

fashionably so ;-)

capitol hill local said...

I'll bet I know exactly which cop you're talking about. I drop my wife off a the C.South metro every work day, and this (portly, gray-headed, am I right?) dude is out there all the time, exercising his authority. He struts around and generally acts pretty self-important. You'll get used to it if you're late often enough.